With just hours to go before the election Tuesday, people reported disturbances in their sleeping and eating habits.
Enter Alton Brown with a distraction … maybe even a solution.
“I’M TALKING ABOUT PIPING SPAGHETTIOS INTO STALE TWINKIES AND EATING THEM NAKED IN THE SHOWER WITH A BOTTLE OF JAEGER,” he tweeted Monday night.
Yes, that’s celebrity chef Alton Brown.
Mild-mannered “Good Eats” and “Iron Chef” Alton Brown from the Food Network, endorsing the pairing of Spaghettio-stuffed Twinkies with Jaeger … and a shower.
Some wondered if Brown had been hacked. Others completely embraced the detour from Brown’s usual Twitter fare.
Either way, the thoughts about creative food combinations didn’t end there!
The message was part of a long string of what seemed to be stream-of-consciousness food tweets, perhaps inspired by the uncertainty generated by the impending election. Comfort and/or rage food tweets, if you will.
The tweets started innocently enough.
“No matter what happens tomorrow, we’ll still have tiny chocolate doughnuts,” Brown said in one post. The next one upped the ante a skosh:
“I’m seriously thinking about @LittleDebbie #NuttyBars and cigarettes,” he tweeted. “Honestly, like at the same time.”
But … wait for it:
“So many Food Network people are like ‘oh, I’m going to braise short ribs in elderberry jam..’ Screw that, I’m going to mainline moon pies and snort cheese powder!”
From here, the tweets became delightfully unhinged, laced with all manner of snack foods … and food threats!
“I HAVE 17 CANS OF DUNCAN HINES FROSTING AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO USE THEM,” he tweeted. “BACK THE HELL OFF!”
“YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT CRAZY LOOKS LIKE?” Brown tweeted. “I’VE GOT MARSHMALLOW FLUFF AND THREE FEET OF GARDEN HOSE! YOU WANNA DANCE?”
Just when Brown seemed like he could not be outdone, in came “MURDER HORNET FONDUE” and “HAS ANYONE ACTUALLY EVER MEET A ‘JOLLY RANCHER’?”
At one point, Brown tweeted Howard Beale’s famous line from the 1975 film “Network”:
“I’M MAD AS HELL AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE.”
Shortly thereafter, it was back to culinary inspiration.
“CANNED FRUIT SALAD AND CHEEZE WHIZ WITH HERSHEY’S SYRUP AND GIN.”
Brown issued several directives as if dictating recipes.
“I want you to go out right now and buy Fritos and cat food,” he told his 4.4 million followers.
“Turn off the lights and run 23 Slim Jims through the juicer,” Brown said. “Who’s with me? I said ‘WHO’S WITH ME’?”
The episode was slightly reminiscent of Susan Orlean’s drunken pandemic live-tweet adventures this past summer, minus the broken speech and misspellings, with added caps lock.
The tweets seemed to absorb and reflect the chaos of the current moment, as if to say, “Yes, by all means, it’s completely OK to consume all the Marshmallow Fluff and canned frosting in your house tonight, even if it’s just your appetizer.”
Whatever it was, social media similarly ate the whole thing up.
Brown stopped his live tweets at 9:44 p.m. — he presumably left to juice some Slim Jims — but the freewheeling spirit of his posts lived on to soothe America on a particularly tense night.
Thank you for relying on us to provide the journalism you can trust. Please consider supporting NJ.com with a subscription.
Amy Kuperinsky may be reached at email@example.com.